Friends

I have a gig next week that I'm really excited about. We're doing a ton of music as a benefit for a local underprivileged middle school in downtown Tucson. There's a dinner and $75 tickets and a little pickup orchestra playing Peter & the Wolf and the Princess and the Frog rewritten by the composer himself for woodwind quintet. How cool is that!

Where does technology come in?
The composer sent me my music as a pdf. Instant gratification! I didn't have to wait for the mail or meet him somewhere, expending gas & time that neither of us can afford. He emailed it to me. WOot!! AND, he put some midi-files online so that we could get a feel for the piece before rehearsals. I LOVE technology!

Check out www.bellacarita.org for more information. :)

Republicans and members of other parties who register as Democrats so they can vote for HIllary because she is perceived as a weaker candidate than Mc Cain have ZERO scruples and should be ashamed. I hope the super delegates who are going to decide this thing REALIZE that Hillary squeaked out this latest "victory" probably due to just this faction and commit NOW to nominating Obama.

My son IS my biggest teacher on the planet and as such can reduce me to tears. Here is some background that set the scene.  I am starting to get to know one of the other Moms whose son is the star RB on the team because Conner is doing Velocity training with him AND she is a smiling bright light amongst a sea of dried up hypocritical old prudes.  She is very bright, spiritual loving and GORGEOUS and just so happens to (so I have been told but have not confirmed) be a stripper.  At our lacrosse bbq the other day one of Conner's coaches pulled me aside. I really like this guy cause he is honest and down to earth though seemingly stuck in the 50's in some ways? He tells me that he has seen me hanging out with this Mom and hugging her and did I know what she does for a living?  Well as a friend he wants to make sure I know because appreantly the other biddies and insecure men judge her and what she wears to games and as he said "WIth my tatoos and her hugging me he just doesn't want people to think  I am a stripper too."  Well I was too stunned for words at the moment and just said "thanks" (hehee reminds me of that Tori line about thinking dude for saying she was an ugly girl"). SO WTF is that?? I discussed this on Patriots Planet and right on..FUCK the Harper Valley PTA really but I do admit it made me think...for .5 seconds. SO because I have a tatoo and am not an unattactive beeyatch some stuck up fake Christian might judge me that way because they can't get over their jealousy? WHen I have some quiet time with the coach again I will show him one of the Yeti Mom's who has a tatoo on her calf and ask"SO if she hung out with said Mom she would be assumed to be a stripper too? Or are you all just judegin cause we take are of our looks?" He needs to think about his prejudices. My friends at the Planet said to take it as a compliment that anyone would even think that I COULD be hehee..dude I am 47 and my skin is wrinkled It's beyond hilarious once you get past the incredible sad part about how brainwashed and Fucked up it is.


So anyhow..of course the minute I see said Mom last night we talk and laugh and enjoy the time. Dude I am open and friendly to everyone and despite what has happened along the way CANNOT be any other way though I sometimes desperately wish I could. Here is why:
Scene from ride home from field/practice last night. I am not sure how it even came up in the first place.

Conner says "everyone(some players) teases me that I am a Mommas boy and only on the team cause you suck up to coaches. He repeated that in some way and I thought he said "fucked" one of the coaches and I LOST it in front of his friend and all. 

"WTF I yelled, what kind of horrible person would say such a thing just because I am friendly to people?" and I start crying. FIghting the tears back cause Conner's friend is there. His wonderful bright friend answers "Teenagers". And Conner realizes he opened a huge can of worms and says MOM I said SUCKED up then his friend admonishes him to be quiet so he doesn't get in trouble. I tell friend he is not in trouble and apologize for losing my cool.

We pull away from friend's house and I am just floored that anyone could think that way about me because I am simply friendly with nothing but good intentions. ANd BTE? Conner is a phenomenalathlete who worked his ASS off to get where is is today and he is on the team for NO other reason.  Of course alot of past crap bubbles under the surface Fucking will never be over it will I?) and I have been fighting sadness lately anyhow. Conner wants to listen to the radio and I just can't bear anything but silence right now so I offer him my iPod which he takes.

I just start silently weeping to the point where a few times I wondered if I should pull over but I make it through and just keep driving I JUST want to go home. He looks over at some point and sees it and gently asks me if I am crying..I don't want him to have to deal with this but he says don't like like I can see the tears. He asks me what is wrong and I don't want to drag him into it but as usual at times like this he insists and I simply say "You don't know that life is sometimes hard for me too Conner".  He says he DOeS know and that he feels SO bad when he treats me poorly and he hates it because I do everything for him and he doesn't MEAN to. He says he is really trying to figure out why he does it because it really bothers him right afterwards and he loves me and thinks I am the best cause I do everything for him.

WOW..how huge is that? great first step to breaking that cycle. I tell him I just worry that he will treat gfs or his future wife that way and I don't WANT him to so it is good that he is thinking about it. He says he doesn't treat anyone else that way but me and sometimes Liv and he hates it. Then he tells me to stop being so open hearted to all the bitches who are so mean at the school and that they do NOT deserve my heart or kindness. He says their kids are JUST like them..that only a handful of kids at school are genuine and  don't talk behind peoples' backs then act all friendly to their faces..so it is no surprise that they learned this from their parents. It drives him crazy at the school! He inisists that I only open my heart ot people like the Mom  I am getting to know and that people who treat me with disrespect and bitchiness are asking to be treated that way as well.

He is amazing. He is so smart and right. This was a huge discussion and I am glad it happened. It even helped with a tiff he had with his sister later that night where he apologized to her and tried to discuss things rationally with her but she wasn't ready. Why must people be so mean? Why can't they live and let live and assume the BEST instead of the worst and that all joy and kindness is laced with bad intention? Is this what their churches are teaching them? Is this what the media is fostering? Sad state of affairs but thank GOD I know there are stilll at least a handful of young people and some parents who won't let it get to them.

Today..is the perfect day to get my tatoo fixed. Off to 4th avenue I go.

I can keep the resolution to read just fine. It's the documentation that I can't seem to find the time for.

( Cut for the nobly disinterested )

* Music Sunday is over, and I'm both relieved and pleased. The adult bell choir did pretty well with our 3 pieces. The kids bell choir stayed together and did well. The youth choir did great with their song and solos, and the collective piece for all choirs at the end was energetic. I'm so glad that the season is largely over. My 3 seventh graders want to do a trio piece for Father's Day, so that's the only practice that we've got left. *whew*

* Elliot and Carissa's picnic was fun yesterday afternoon, and the weather was beautiful. Craig came with me, which was a rarity. In the short time we spent there, we got to catch up with Karl, Tom, and Maggie, support Elliot and Carissa, and chat with Bob and his dad for a while. (Marie, I hope to catch up with you next time, but it seemed that you had your hands full without the extra distraction. :) )

* On the other hand, I will never get that garden in if I don't take some more vacation time. I've done nothing, and it should have been in 3 weeks ago. Argh!

* We went to see Ironman on Saturday, and it was a great movie. I will only tell you that if you go, you should stay through the credits.

* We're in the process of moving my mother to Quakertown this summer. She's closing on a little place about 10 minutes from us in late June, so we're trying to get her house ready to be shown so she can list it. It sounds like there are several people waiting to see it, so that's promising. Hopefully, this will go smoothly and quickly. Apparently, it's a seller's market in Selinsgrove right now, unlike the rest of the country. How fortuitous.

* As for work, I'm trying to take it easy for now, since the next insanity will no doubt rise up and overtake us again soon. We used to get longer lulls between projects, and I'm sort of making my own lull at this point while I wrap up my last responsibilities. With the current political climate, I'm sure that I shouldn't do it for long, but I think I can eke out another week or two grace period. :) Long enough to take some vacation time to put that garden in, I hope.

* My sister got engaged on Saturday, and is very excited. She's planning a fall wedding, so I'm sure she'll be on manic overdrive for the months in between. Her fiancee is a really great guy, and I think that they suit each other very well. I hope she'll be as happy as I expect. :)

* My little brother is now in California being trained to head to Iraq in another month or two. He expects to be there until January of next year, but with the current length of deployments, it may be longer. He's in Navy Intelligence and has been trained in Arabic, so presumably he'll be at a listening station or translating for someone. He's happy to be able to really use his years of training now, and I hope that he sees little combat and comes home safely. It's an exciting year for the Carter clan, it would seem.

The Plan was that we were going to rent a big ol' sod buster rototiller from Ye Ol' Home Depot this weekend and put in some flower gardens in our great expanse of lawn.  In preparation, I cut into the sod to mark where the tiller should, er, till.

Excellent scene from tonight: We're at the table devouring the most delicious meal of my own concoction - homemade guacamole with angel-pressed lime juice, red bell peppers, and flame-grilled tequilia-lime chicken burgers and napolitos (prickly pear cactus). Angus finishes off his Estancia Farm Apple Cider and goes to the fridge to refill on soymilk. Not realizing that he's about to find no soymilk in the fridge for the fourth day in a row, I hear him open the fridge and let out this guttural yell of frustration, "There's No Soymilk!!". Brett and I dissolved into laughter because there's plenty of soymilk in the pantry, I just forgot to put it in the fridge. Again. And warm soymilk is nas-ty. My awesome little man came back with warmish soymilk and chuckled right along with us.

Another most excellent thing: Miss Fred made "kid guacamole", all out of her own little brain. She required lime juice (fresh squeezed by her and bro), CSA onions, mint leaves, diced cucumber, and diced red bell peppers for this lovely concoction and it was pretty good! It's more of a relish than a guac and Sir Angus would have none of it, but they peeled and diced the cucs themselves, there was no blood, and it was edible. Spells success in my book!

( Teachy/Bassoony whinging )

 

My son ran into our back living room the other night, foam Legoland sword in hand and shield at the ready. He gave a great lunge, raised his sword aloft and called out, "To the Fox Theatre!".
Teeheehee!

Lots of other cuteness has been rolling around our lives, but I seem to leave off posting for so long that I'd have to make them up. I'm just not that creative - my kids are far more adorable than I could manufacture.

Our last tetra (that's a teeny tiny fish) died over two weeks ago. We've decided to move up to a bigger tank and bigger fish, owing our past failure to inexperience and too small and fickle of an environment. We've got a ten gallon waiting to go and we even checked out books on Goldfish from the school library! We did research this time.. surely we shall prevail!

Um.. Today, I hope to practice and tidy my house. Am desperately hoping to avoid the lethargy of the last few days. I'm exhausted lately and planning to blame it on lack of vitamins and stupid allergies. I see the same look on the other parents at school so it can't just be me, right?

Und zat is zat.

Ruthie turns 5 today. After they ooohed and aaahhhed over the gifts (several wrapped little things and a bike helmet as a promise of a real big girl 2 wheeler to be picked out by her today) this morning, Jonah said that the best thing about Ruthie getting older is that he loves her more every year.

This birthday is more bittersweet than any of the others have been so far. My sweet, sweet, Joy is 5 and isn't anything like a baby anymore. She has been such a blessing to us these last 5 years.